How to Raise Grateful Kids

Growing up, there were many instances I was convinced I had the meanest parents in the world.

I was expected to walk the half-mile to school when a lot of other kids got front-door service. And yes, it WAS uphill, and yes, there was most often snow! Mean.
On many occasions, I was told, “No.” No, I couldn’t have that new life-sized Kid Sister that,”Wherever I go, she’s going to go.” Mean.
And while many of my high school peers got to spend their summers by the pool, I was flipping pizzas to earn money for college. Mean.

A deep sense of gratitude grew.

But you know what? Without my even knowing it, a deep sense of gratitude was planted in me and grew and grew until I finally understood how truly blessed my life was. I was blessed for having a beat-up old boat of a car because driving was a lot better than walking, blessed to have second-hand toys, because the alternative was no toys, blessed for having the opportunity to earn my own money and become independent, and blessed for having parents who loved and supported me and knew how to raise grateful kids.

Now, as a parent of three small children myself, I hear the M-word a lot. You probably do too. “Why are you so mean?” I try not to take it personally; kids love to test boundaries. There is an alarming trend of entitlement creeping into too many children’s behavior now-a-days, and when I see it in my own, it worries me.

Like Veruca Salt in that classic film, Willy Wonka, we hear all too often: “I want…I want it now…” Case in point:

My 4-year-old: Throws his toy into the wall

Me: “Don’t do that, you’ll break it.”

Thinks-he’s-so-smart-4-year-old: “Why? You’ll just buy me a new one.”

Oh, it is so time for a lesson on gratitude. In the long run, being the “mean” parent pays off. Here are 5 things parents can STOP doing in order to instill gratitude in their children:

1. Stop saying yes…be confident enough to say “No.”

Saying “no” to our kids can be hard. Especially when they are throwing an epic tantrum on the supermarket floor because they want that ice cream bar. Or when they threaten to make your life a living misery if you don’t let them stay out past curfew. But by saying “yes” in those situations, you become a passive parent and relinquish control to your immature child.

Set your limits, make them clear, and then stick to them. No matter how adorable those big puppy eyes are;).

2. Stop feeling guilty that you can’t give them everything.

Kids don’t need every single new toy, or need to participate in every single activity. We all want our children to be happy, and to have bounteous opportunities, but no parent can physically, financially, or emotionally sustain it all. You will not ruin your kids by not giving them the latest video game consul or private jiu-jitsu lessons.

Talk to kids openly and realistically about what they want and what is within your means as a family to actually get. Give them opportunities to earn the things they want themselves.

3. Stop playing the bigger and better game.

Resist that nagging feeling that you need to do things bigger or better than…last year, or the neighbor next door, etc. Just because you got your kids a trampoline for Christmas last year, doesn’t mean you have to get them something even better this year. Just because you threw an amazing birthday party last year, doesn’t mean you are required to out-do yourself this year.

*Note this Pinterest-UN-worthy birthday cake with arbitrary candy blobs, sprinkles, and a random Batman on top! And was his birthday still awesome? You bet! Probably more, because I had more time to spend with him than on an elaborate party.

4. Stop complaining…start voicing your own gratitude.

I once found myself cursing our old washing machine to an avid audience of two impressionable preschoolers.

“This old piece of junk!” I exclaimed.

Later, I heard my own words regurgitated while they were playing. “What a piece of junk!” my daughter exclaimed. I realized that if I want them to be grateful, I need to start voicing my own gratitude more openly and freely. Instead of cursing that moribund washing machine, I should have expressed how grateful I was that we had one, and didn’t have to wash our clothes by hand.

Say “Thank-you” whenever you get the chance. To fast-food cashiers, to your spouse, to your children.

5. Stop placing importance on things…instead, focus on people and experiences.

Things are just that…things. Inanimate objects with no life and no soul. Let your children know that what really matters cannot be bought instead of placing so much importance on having the most state-of-the-art television, or vehicle,

Spending more time with family and friends, experiencing life, instead of focusing on things will instill a gratitude that objects will not.